Houston's Highways Are All Shut Down

"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
01/24/2014 at 10:13 • Filed to: Winter Weather

The city and TXDOT are all urging people to stay at home, as overpasses are basically sloped ice skating rinks. No snow on the ground, really, just ice. "DON'T GET ON THE ROADWAYS!!!", the news channels exclaim. PSH. I do what I want!! And I'm at work now.

If anyone in the Northern Territories are wondering why our local government is flipping their shit because of this weather, allow me to explain. Houston's infrastructure (along with the vast majority of other Texas cities) are not designed for icy weather. They are built to sustain the constant heat that we get during the summers. Expansion brackets on the roadways/overpasses, special consideration for the humidity, etc. Salt is NOT allowed on surface streets. All those de-icing chemicals? We don't have a lot of trucks that can distribute those.

The top floor of my parking garage has a solid 1-2 inches of ice on it. Not snow, not sleet. ICE. If we had a Zamboni up there, we could play a rousing game of hockey. But we also don't know how to ice skate, so... Yeah.

I don't live very far from work, and I don't have to get on any freeway to get here. A couple of very small bridges across some creeks that had been sanded, that's it. So I'm one of five people here, out of a normal staff of 35. Woohoo!!

Otherwise, if you're in Houston, stay at home. Do as I say, not as I do.

DISCUSSION (16)

thebigbossyboss > PatBateman
01/24/2014 at 10:22

Here in Canada, we make roads of ice.

Brian Silvestro > PatBateman
01/24/2014 at 10:23

It's zero degrees where I am now. It's been zero degrees for like 2 weeks. Every time there's a 2 foot blizzard, no one bats an eye and classes are never canceled.

PatBateman > thebigbossyboss
01/24/2014 at 10:24

We make swamp roads...

PatBateman > Brian Silvestro
01/24/2014 at 10:27

Snow, no problem. But it rained heavily yesterday and all through the night. THEN it froze.

Just to rub it in, it'll be 70 degrees here on Sunday.

Brian Silvestro > PatBateman
01/24/2014 at 10:29

My favorite joke that people use when they live in the south:

"Oh no! It's gonna be like high 50's this weekend, I'm gonna have to wear a long-sleeved shirt instead of a short-sleeved shirt. Such a hassle! Why is life so hard?!"

PatBateman > Brian Silvestro
01/24/2014 at 10:42

You wear shorts leaves shirts when it's in the 50's outside?! Aren't you cold? You joke, but seriously.

It's all good. You would melt during our summers.

The day before I got married, we got all the groomsmen and men from out-of-town (my wife's family is from the Chicago area) to go golfing. It was 96 degrees outside. After the front 9, my dad and I were chatting about how, even though it was hot, it was dry and there was a steady breeze blowing. Pretty nice day for golf! At that exact moment, my wife's two uncles rolled up in their cart, drenched in sweat and on the verge of passing out, declaring that they couldn't take the humidity and sweltering heat anymore. They were resigning to the clubhouse.

I'll take the heat over the cold any day.

Brian Silvestro > PatBateman
01/24/2014 at 10:44

I'm literally the exact opposite. I would much rather it be freezing cold then ultra hot outside. I went to Florida once. That place is awful.

Jayhawk Jake > PatBateman
01/24/2014 at 10:56

As someone that grew up in Houston, I feel I have a right to say that the city on the whole is the biggest hypochondriac ever.

Anything like this gets blown all the fuck out of proportion. Hurricane might graze the city? 2 weeks of non stop coverage by the local news. A little ice? Shut down all the roads and schools.

I get that it's icy, but this seems ridiculous.

PatBateman > Brian Silvestro
01/24/2014 at 11:29

I'm a seventh generation Texan. I think I've been genetically bred for the heat. Going skiing in Colorado for a few days is fun, but anything else... NO THANK YOU.

PatBateman > Jayhawk Jake
01/24/2014 at 11:34

Oh, don't get me wrong. I was making fun of the OH MY GOD ITS GOING TO BE 28 DEGREES TONIGHT ICE AAAAAHHHH talk yesterday. And I still am. But several people who drove in this morning damn near wrecked out while going over the Brazos on 59. And they weren't being fools about driving, either.

The hurricane part, well, when most of the city had their electricity cut off for two weeks, they tend to want to see BREAKING NEWS every second of the day until they get their lights (and AC) back on. I just leave town and work from Austin until that happens.

The news will always make it out to be some big thing. That's their job. The rest of us just shrug and go on about our business.

Jayhawk Jake > PatBateman
01/24/2014 at 11:39

No, I'm not talking post hurricane. I'm talking 'there's a disturbance in the gulf, start evacuating now, it might hit us in 2 weeks'.

PatBateman > Jayhawk Jake
01/24/2014 at 11:44

Nah. We keep an eye on it, but only the skittish freak out. For Ike, I sent my wife and kids to Austin a day before. I left 2 hours before it hit. Ever seen the Beltway deserted? That was neat-o.

Stupidru > Jayhawk Jake
01/24/2014 at 11:49

my wife is a born-and-raised Houstonite and now lives with me in Wisconsin. She flips out any time the sun stops shining or when it gets below 60°, which is 95% of the other 9 months here. Snow? She stays up thinking that work will be canceled. Sorry toots. Welcome to real life.

Jayhawk Jake > PatBateman
01/24/2014 at 11:59

I'm referring to the media coverage more than the people. Always hated it, and my mom still complains about it.

Jayhawk Jake > Stupidru
01/24/2014 at 11:59

No kidding. I'm in Kansas now. 2 feet of snow? Guess I'm shoveling to get to work today...

PatBateman > Jayhawk Jake
01/24/2014 at 12:07

That's how they sell advertising!! Make slightly severe weather look like ARMAGEDDON and more people will tune in.

The moment you know how the news works is when you realize that, barring nuclear war, the situation isn't that bad.

When Ike or Rita hit, Anderson Cooper went down to Orange to report live. He was in waist-deep water. Being originally from the area, my father and I knew exactly where he was and what was going on: he was standing in a ditch. We couldn't control our laughter when a golden retriever ran up to him, water not even halfway up to the dog's belly.